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Mr. Bones

(Paul Cantor)

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I was just out for a peaceful walk on a beautiful October day when this guy popped up on Bethmarlea Road (as shown above) and I nearly lost my pants.

“Woa Bro,” he exclaimed, “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Who are you?” I demanded.

“Mcgawagonathai” was the best I could grasp from his answer. 

“How do you spell that?” I asked.

“T-H-A-T,” he said.

“No, I mean your name.”

“Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E.”

Clearly we weren’t making progress.  So I changed the subject.

“What are you doing in my neighborhood?”

“Keeping a close eye on you old folk,” he said while jumping into the road beside me.

“What for?” I queried as I picked up my pace to put some distance between us.

“It’s our job,” he replied as he picked up his pace to reduce the distance between us.

“Whose job?”

“Mine and

(Paul Cantor)

the spiders and

(Paul Cantor)

(Paul Cantor)

witches and ghosts and ZOMBIES AND OTHER MONSTERS THAT  RIGHT NOW ARE TAKING OVER YOUR COUNTRY AND YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD,” he yelled as he jumped out in front of me.

“And more precisely your job is?” I asked in a voice trembling with fear and anxiety.

“OUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE YOU OLD FOLK BEHAVE!!!!!” he shouted.

“I see,” I squeaked.  “How are we supposed to behave?”

“WITH RESPECT!

“Listen to your children.  Listen to your neighbors’ children.  Make sure they have enough candy.  Take them for walks in our neighborhood.  Introduce them to us.  Wear masks.  Keep your distance.  Let them know that if anyone causes them trouble we are here for them.

“DID YOU HEAR THAT?  HERE FOR THEM.

Now say ‘hi’ to

(Paul Cantor)

Mr.  Bones.”

Until that moment I hadn’t noticed the fellow sitting in front of the house we were walking past.

“Hi,”  I said.

“Hi,” he answered.  “Please explain to me, if you will,  why I have so much trouble putting on weight.  No matter how much I eat I just don’t seem to be getting any heavier.”

“Try cellophane,”  said Mcgawagonathai.

“Cellophane?” Mr. Bones queried.

“Yep,” replied Mcgawagonathai.  “Wrap yourself in cellophane then eat.  That way you’re sure to weigh more when you finish your meal.”

“Will do,” replied Mr. Bones.  “Now tell that masked monkey your walking with to go get me some candy.”

“I’m going,” I said and quickly headed off as fast as I could run.

 

Paul Cantor

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