NORWALK, Conn. – If the governor has his way, I will soon share the same taxpayer status as Mayor Richard Moccia: I won’t pay any taxes to the city of Norwalk, either.
As a renter, the only taxes I pay are on the vehicle I own. The governor would like to exempt vehicles that are worth less than $28,500. A whole lot of people in the city of Norwalk are going to be off the hook!
Except — guess who decides how much your car is worth?
The city. If past experience is a guide, I may be in for a tax bill anyway.
I drive around town in the adult equivalent of a bounce house, a car with shot rear shocks, which makes the hills around here extra special. I like my car. It’s a 1991 Toyota Camry that a friend in Florida gave to me (yes, I performed the death-defying feat of driving it here; a mechanic thought not, although at that point the shocks were fine). The radio doesn’t work and I have learned to hook my finger into the hole that used to contain the door latch so I can get out. Only one of the windows works, but it’s the one I happen to sit next to, so I’m good.
Oh, I got to show how clever I am when I figured out that I could lock the doors, although the electronic mechanism is broken. I stand outside and turn the key in the lock, all the levers go down. I am so good.
Last year, the city of Norwalk said my car was worth $2,450. (Yes, I said $2,450, not $24.50.)
I still have the car. Who knows, maybe it’s an antique. It’s value may have gone up!
That’s not all! According the city, it’s worth more than my husband’s 95 Buick Century, a car that we actually will drive to New Jersey (with a working radio!). His car – which locks from the inside – was worth $1,627, which is really amazing since he only paid $1,500 for it a year and a half before that. He put 20,000 miles on it and the value had gone up! We are so good.
I did not realize my car is so valuable. Now here’s my question – you know what’s coming – will Norwalk kindly buy my car? At the price specified? If so, I will be able to buy the $1,300 mini-van I have been coveting AND have enough left over to get the 46-inch flat screen TV I desperately desire. I could even buy a new recycling bin from the city and make life a little better for those City Carting guys.
Or, can I get 13 of you to be as kind as my Florida friend and give me a car in similar condition to my valuable Camry? If so, maybe I can get the city of Norwalk to trade me. I will offer 15 cars worth $2,450 — an entire FLEET! —and the city can give me Mayor Moccia’s almost-new Ford Edge, which was worth $30,000, last I checked.
There’s a bonus! The city will collect more in taxes from me.
It’s a win-win. I’d like a four-wheel drive. And we’ll be much safer when we head for my mother’ s house near Atlantic City. This is important as I know you all want me back, especially those in city government.
Anyway, we Chapmans are clearly valuable taxpayers for the city of Norwalk, even given our lowly status. If you don’t believe me, check out the third tax bill that arrived at our door last year. Our son, who lives with us, owned a 1995 Grand Marquis. It was worth $2,205. This is spite of the peeling vinyl on the roof.
But my Camry is still worth more. Maybe you’d like to buy it? But, let’s be honest. There’s a hole where the radio used to be. I took out the radio and tried to fix it but failed. Why bother putting it back? (It did create an interesting conversation with a police officer one day. He thought I might have been the victim of a theft.)
The Camry has an extra feature I have not mentioned. It’s a guaranteed adrenaline boost – sometimes it stalls, I never see it coming. (“C’mon car, go!” Especially fun in traffic.)
But perhaps you’d like the more economical Buick at $1,627.
Darn. Its value may have dropped. Just this afternoon the left turn signal broke. Could the city of Norwalk be prescient? Maybe it is charging us per blink?
But if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do. I think I’d better go clean out my car – you’re all going to be looking at it now, right?
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